Shirl: You Had Me at Hello

Shirl: You Had Me at Hello  

I find it somewhat ironic that the line from the movie Jerry Maguire that I believe epitomizes the Millennial generation and symbolizes the implications of the digital age — “You had me at hello”— would remind me of someone dead, but not gone.

Jerry Maguire: [babbling and struggling] I love you. You... you complete me. And I just...

Dorothy: Shut up, [pause] Dorothy: just shut up. [Pause] Dorothy: You had me at "hello". You had me at "hello".

Just like a line of dialog can live on from a movie, Shirl lives on in my heart. My mother-in-law Shirl came to live near us in West Virginia when she was unable to care for herself due to Alzheimer’s disease. During this time, I’d call her every week to arrange a trip to the grocery store.

It was never a hardship. Since I loved visiting the grocery store and I loved Shirl, what could be a better way to spend a few hours of my weekend? When I’d call her to arrange a time to pick her up, she’d always say, “Hi, Ian!” in such a warm, welcoming, loving, accepting way that I would simply melt.

Shirl replaced my mother, who had died in 1991, in my life at that time, and I replaced her sons, who lived far away in California. Not that I’d ever forget my mother or she her sons; we just found comfort in each other’s company that extended beyond our physical presence. I loved the way Shirl marveled at the beauty of the cloud formations — because of her disease, she experienced them as if for the first time. She reacted in a similar manner to something ordinary each week. It was a revelation.

I was touched by her beauty, acceptance and sense of wonder. I want to be like Shirl: to see beauty, to live with a sense of wonder and to accept myself and others. I want to be able to forgive and forget when applicable. Thank you, Shirl, for showing me the way.

In case you need reminding, beauty is judged by the qualities in a person that exalts the mind or spirit; wonder is a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, often caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar or inexplicable; and acceptance is the act of taking or receiving something offered. If you can forgive and forget, you both pardon and hold no resentment concerning a past event.

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I Will Always Love you, lyrics by Dolly Parton

And I will always love you

I will always love you

I will always love you

I will always love you

I will always love you

I, I will always love you

You, darling, I love you

Sara Laws: My Model of Love and Service

 Sara Laws: My Model of Love and Service

 I met Sara Laws at an Asheville Area Chamber of Commerce “Business After Hours” event, where I learned about her work for the Hope Chest for Women. I was immediately attracted to their small grassroots organization serving women with breast and gynecological cancer. I initially thought she might sell my bottlecap magnets and “renewtees.” Instead, she had ideas of her own how I could partner with entities bigger than her agency. After she shared her concerns about her agency’s ability to raise funds, I began to think she’d make an ideal business partner.

Sara’s skills include designing custom partnerships that benefit both parties. I ended up offering to work one day a week at Hope Chest to do some grant writing. As I typically do when I want a Yes, I told her the pay per hour didn’t matter; I’d accept whatever pay the organization could afford. Sara made all the arrangements, including a living wage hourly rate for me, and shortly after we spoke, I was working my one day a week. She saw something in me that others did not. She was able to look beyond my age to see the contribution I could make to her agency.

Although I liked Sara right away, I realized how wonderful she was the first day we worked together. She was sweet, smart and open to my ideas. The more open she was, the more my ideas flowed. Despite a chaotic work life, she took time with everyone and anyone who needed her — Nicole from down the hall who has a brain injury, for example, and the women calling her with financial and emotional stress from their cancer diagnoses.

Sara’s love for others shines through in her dedication of service. If love is an intense feeling of deep affection and to serve is to perform duties or services for a person or organization, then Sara embodies “loving service.” I envision myself as an ambassador of love, and Sara is my model for how to align my actions with my words. Her love for all radiates and brings light and love to me.

Thank you, Sara. You live to love all and serve all, yet you know that sometimes we all fall short of this ideal. I am honored to work for Sara and the Hope Chest for Women in Asheville, North Carolina.

Behind this good writer is a great editor; Mark Bloom. Learn more about Mark's talents at 

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The Hope Chest for Women 

Thanksgiving Eve, lyrics by Bob Franke

It's so easy to dream of the days gone by

 It's a hard thing to think of the times to come

But the grace to accept ev'ry moment as a gift

 Is a gift that is given to some

What can you do with your days but work & hope

 Let your dreams bind your work to your play

What can you do with each moment of your life

But love til you've loved it away

Love til you've loved it away

Homeless People: Learn to Live in Abundance

Homeless People: Learn to Live in Abundance

Abundance is the condition of being in rich supply. Ironically, the best model for living in abundance came from a homeless hitchhiker I met many decades ago. This was when I still routinely picked up hitchhikers and sometimes brought them home. He was homeless in the sense that he had no home or permanent place of residence. This particular fellow, whose name I no longer recall, stayed with me for a week, even shadowing me at work. When he decided he’d received what he needed, he knew it was time to move on with his life. I wished him well because he’d given as much as he’d received.

What impressed me about him was his lack of insecurity. Despite not having a penny in his pocket, he didn’t seem worried about where his next meal would come from or where he’d lay his head. He told me he once had a job selling encyclopedias and had set the sales record in his first month. He walked away from that job with no regrets. Perhaps abundance means something different to everyone.

I received another lesson in abundance from a woman I met in a homeless shelter. At the time, I thought that if you lived in a homeless shelter, you lacked resourcefulness. I was wrong. This woman went to amazing lengths to help her daughter maintain ties to her neighborhood and school. She did whatever she needed to do for her daughter. She used the address of a friend so her daughter could stay in her school. She even drove her daughter back to her former neighborhood to go trick-or-treating.

She did all this despite the “help” she received from a transitional housing program for the homeless. She had to live there until she showed “she was ready for a permanent home.” But this model was incompatible with what the woman really needed: above all else, to maintain the social network with her previous neighborhood. The agency serving her didn’t understand that their model was failing the woman; instead. They saw a personal or moral failure on the woman’s part.

In 2001, I was saddened to learn about the passing of Al McGuire, the former Marquette University basketball coach and a respected basketball television analyst. Rick Majeris —a former student, a friend and a successful college basketball coach himself — wrote an obituary. In it, he stated that Al believed and taught that you are poor only when you can no longer dream.

Although not homeless, Al knew that to dream is to contemplate the possibility of doing or being something greater than you are now. Even when you’re homeless, you dream. Similar to my homeless acquaintances, I wish to feel secure without needing an abundance of material things. I dream of the day when anyone who wants a home can secure a permanent place to live. And I’m doing more than just dreaming of it, though.

Behind this good writer is a great editor; Mark Bloom. Learn more about Mark's talents at 

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Learn more about the housing first model

Tracy Chapman Dreaming on a World

 I'll keep on wishing
We must always keep dreaming
Of a world
With equality and justice
Thinking
There could be a world
Without poverty and sickness
Wishing
Of a world
Without hunger and homelessness
Dreaming
Of a world
Where all people live in peace
Dreaming
Of a world
Dreaming
On a world

Phil Collins Live: Drums and Take Me Home

So take, take me home
Cos I don't remember
Take, take me home
Cos I don't remember
Take, take me home
Cos I don't remember
Take, take me home, oh lord
Well I've been a prisoner all my life
And I can say to you
But I don't remember
Take, take me home...